First off… there are probably only 15 people on our entire floor on any given day. I know you don’t work in my office because there are only 3 of us and we never go to the bathroom at the same time. I’m not sure if anyone told you but stall 2 is mine, I was here first, I laid claim on it, and you insist in using it. I don’t mind sharing, but you’re a disgusting pig who never learned to flush twice to make sure the bowl is sparkling clean for the next person.
I have a pretty good idea who you are, you are either the weird Asian, or the one that looks like Lady Aberlin from Mr. Rodgers, only your blush is the wrong color for you skin and you wear waaayyyy too much of it…. Clown!
Also, neither of your parents bothered to teach you bathroom etiquette. Let my run down the list so you get it from here on out.
- Stall 2 is MINE!
- When you hear someone come into the bathroom, the GRUNTING regardless of how constipated you are must stop! The first time I heard it, I thought you were taking care of yourself umm well sexually. I have come to realize that either way I don’t want to hear it… Not from you – Not EVER! There is such a thing as fiber, I suggest you buy some.
- Have you ever heard of the catcher’s mitt and the muffler?
Let me break it down for you…. The catcher’s mitt is a big wad of tp or a couple of ass gaskets that you put in the water to prevent others from hearing the plop. And the muffler is the wad of tp that you hold over your ass to stop the sounds of your horrible flatulence. BTW what do you eat? Whatever it is change your diet.
- If you are the weird Asian, puking in the bathroom sink is not ok. Ever!
- I don’t know how you manage to pee on the floor in front of the toilet, but I don’t want my pants to drag in it, so please wipe that up.
- Please! Please! For the love of God and all things holy. Please check to make sure everything flushes, I can’t tell you how many times I have had to roam each of the 4 stalls looking for an empty toilet paper roll to shove that huge wad of toilet paper (that obviously was not your catcher’s mitt or muffler) down into the water so it would flush. Nobody wants to have to do that, but it’s your pee, you own it until every trace of it is flushed from the toilet.
Please follow these directions, way down on the first floor where there are no tenants, and I won’t have to drag you from my stall by the short hairs vigilante style (with gloved hands, I aint’ touchin’ that!) next time you are in there.