Monday, December 27, 2010

Fond Christmas Memories

I got to thinking today about all of the Christmas’s that I can remember. The best Christmas was when I was around 9 and my cousins were up from Florida, and my grandparents were up from California. It was July or August, and while we slept our parents put up a tree and wrapped presents. When we got up in the morning Santa Clause had come (not that I still believed) but it was great. We had never had Christmas together as a family before, it was special.

That was the same summer my grandpa fell off the porch and landed on his head. He said it was because someone hit him with a stun gun. Truth be told, he was trying to kick the cat.

Fast forward a few years, I’m teen-ish and we’re spending Christmas Eve with my brother’s in-laws. There were 4 girls in that family, and they all fought, I hated going there, but I couldn’t spend Christmas alone. They were super responsible people, little kids running around, and every year, one of the babies would eat the bourbon balls. Sheesh people, put the booze candy out of reach, might as well feed them pot brownies with a mushroom chaser. Fortunately my parents let me drink, that was about all that would get me through the night.

Some of my dad’s family is a little back woodsy. One year, after dinner, my cousin who had just gotten out of prison said to me “Gee Madge…. You sure grew up to be a pretty girl” What do you say to that?  I still hear the banjos.  

Most of the family smoked, and it was guaranteed that we were going to get to eat ashes of cigarettes past in whatever food we were served. One of the aunts makes scalloped potatoes with ham. Here’s the recipe:

Potato Chips
Cream of Chicken Soup
Cigarette Smoke (for flavor)
And the cheapest pre packaged lunch meat you can buy

Usually they make the dish a few days in advance and eat on it, then bring the left-over’s for the rest of the family.

This Christmas was really good. The kids spent the night, and our granddaughter was with us on Christmas morning, my side of the family came over for breakfast. I don’t spend enough time with my side of the family, so it was nice to have them over.

I completely forgot about leaving milk and cookies for Santa, but that’s ok, because he prefers shots of whisky, and he had plenty of those.


  1. This is hysterically funny, Madge. I love your backwoods family. We all have them, but seldom bring them out of the closet!

  2. I'm happy to bring the back woods out of the closet, It's part of who I am.

  3. Aha! Found you! Like almost everyone here so far, I came via Linda's place.

    Fun post - "I still hear the banjos"! Heh, heh.

    You said you had Christmas in July or August? I'm confused, but then I am so easily confused.

  4. Damn, darlin', that recipe for scalloped potatoes with ham sounds downright edible, pretty much. You ought to collect all your aunt's recipes and put them into a book. You could illustrate it with pictures of yourself as a ugly child, and then include some pictures of yourself all growed up as a "pretty girl" and accompany it with some nonsense about how bad food is good for the complextion or something.

  5. Oh, fuck. I spelled complexion wrong.

    Go ahead, Madge, you know you owe me one.

  6. It's hard to spell check the spell checker

  7. 00 glad to see you made it. It was summer vacation, but we had never been together as a family before at Christmas so the moms thought it would be a good idea.

    Mike- it would have been good, maybe, but the cigarette smoke killed it for me. Redneck recipes... not a bad idea, but I think it was the wine coolers or the kahlua at 12 that helped the complection.

  8. and then I spelled wrong too.DAMN!!

  9. *lmao!*

    P.S. -- My captcha word: "hypoo," which sounds like a typo with shit on it.

  10. I came to your blog via Linda & Mike. And Im glad I did. Happy to hear you had a lovely Christmas.

    PS: I love anything with Velveeta!

  11. Welcome Meleah! I'm not a huge fan of Velveeta, but it's the only cheese that's good with mac.

    Hypoo I love it, you will find my posts full of hypoo. It could also be a Rosie O'donnell poem.