I asked him one day "Henry, how come you have this can of alum in the cupboard?"
He said "We used it once to try to make our own jerky, you put it on the meat, and it helps to dry it up.
Some women put it on their pussies to make them really tight. OH! But not Nina though, she never needed it. But there was this one woman I knew she was pretty much a whore, she would have sex with anybody, and this one day, a man that had a dong the size of a small horse wanted to have sex with her. And do you know.... they did, and he pulled her insides out. Pretty much ruined her for the rest of the town."
My Lord, Henry! I guess I was lucky when I mixed it with the honey, huh? All my insides are still where they belong praise Jesus.
ReplyDeleteBahahahahah!! So true. I just liked the way he threw in that Nina didn't need it. Like I would just assume he couldn't touch the sides so she bought it to tighten up. I would assume if that were the case she would have kept it in the night stand.
ReplyDeleteTrue Dat! Now, there are plastic surgeons who specialize in replacing hymen's for women who want that sort of thing. What an anniversary surprise for one's husband!
ReplyDeleteHell, that alum has to be old because I'm over 40 and have never seen alum on a shelf.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should bury it with Henry - he'll be forever preserved.
;-)
They sell it with the spices. I can send you some :)~
ReplyDeleteGood idea to bury it with him, I'll run it by him and see what he thinks.
EWE! I don't want anybody doing any sort of "elective" surgery down there.
ReplyDeleteHorrible image in my head now!
ReplyDeleteIs there anything Henry won't say? You've got to love his honesty, even if it's age-induced. I'm starting think there might be a new show here: S*#t Henry Says.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing the things he tells me. If there was a show, it would have to be on cable, you can't sensor him. He will talk for hours if you let him, and he'll ask you what you think, mid sentence he'll just start talking over you. I spent the better part of 20 minutes last weekend trying to explain to him why it’s not appropriate to use the “N” word ever. He doesn’t get it, he didn’t like the politically correctness of it all, and has resolved to say something equally as bad.
ReplyDeleteThat Henry! I'll never be able to hear the word alum again without thinking of him and horses and pulling ladies insides out!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE HENRY! Ahahahahahahahah
ReplyDeleteHe's amazing... I know.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't Grandpa Sol tell stories like that??
ReplyDeleteNo way. He's too shy to talk like that!
ReplyDeleteYanno what's funny, I came over to your blog this afternoon to *nudge* you
to update, and I was pleasantly surprised to see this post!
I wrote one the other day too, but I'm trying to find the picture I need to attach to it. Maybe I'll update it tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteYAY!
ReplyDeleteI was here before but I forgot to leave a comment. I made beef jerky last weekend and did not use alum but as I was reading this I though it would be a good thing to look into. And then I read more and decided it would not be. Eww.
ReplyDeleteI love Henry.
I agree, I'm thinking it's an antiquated process. How does a pretty girl like you make jerky?
ReplyDeleteThanks for loving Henry ;)
Thank you and I am not sure what my looks have to do with making jerky,
ReplyDeleteunless you are talking about some other kind of jerky and then I will need
the manual because really, I made beef jerky last weekend. There is a FB
thread about it but it gets way off track near the end thanks to Mike.
Sorry, I should explain myself. My grandpa used to preface questions that he really wanted an answer to with "how would a pretty girl like you".
ReplyDeleteWow! Those are nice shoes, how much would a pretty girl like you pay for those shoes? That's really good pie, how long did it take a pretty girl like you to make that?
O. EM. GEE!
ReplyDeleteThis is like a joke with a perfect punchline at the end. Viva la Henry!