I’ll be taking off for vacation, and I have let Henry’s family know when I’ll be gone. My only concern is that he gets to take a shower, I have filled his freezer with yummy food, I have talked to his family and friends to make sure that he’s being checked in on. And today I left a message for his daughter in law to make sure that someone is giving him a shower every week while I’m gone. I have been taking care of him for 16 years, he is family to me, and I care.
Her response was this
"You don’t know what we do for him, you should check in with us. Jim gives him a shower or a bath every two weeks. You are pissing me off to assume that we are not going to be taking care of him while you’re gone, and next time instead of leaving me a message you should talk to me face to face."
Well the reason (obviously) why I left a message is because I knew that this would be the response. They neglect to make sure his basic needs like showering often are met, and then they get pissed off when I tell them to make sure that they take care of him.
I had to make him a doctors appointment and call Cheryl and tell her he needed a ride. I asked if Jim could do it or if I had to find somebody else, she asked why, I told her he had diarrhea every day for a month. (surprised that all I heard was crickets? It was one of the longest pauses I had heard in a long time) She said that Jim Could take him. Jim was there every week, you can't tell me that loving attentive family doesn't know when there's a medical problem, and you can't be around him for more than about twenty minutes without knowing about his bowel movements.
They also didn't know that the chore worker that they hired through the service had been stealing his meds, or that all the other one did was sit around and eat his food. I stopped cleaning when they hired the service, the girl who stole the meds was fired as soon as I found out that she stole from him, the guy that ate the food didn't clean at all, after a month the inside of the toilet was black. They fired him too, but if I hadn't been around to check and make sure everything was good, they would never had known.
By the time I pay for my gas to drive there and take care of him for 3 hours, I'm only making about $5 an hour. I obviously don't do it for the money. They'll probably try to fire me, they can't and they aren’t going to scare me away.
I really want to put lots of information about his family here, so that when people are searching for them they will find out how shitty they treat him. She is sort of somebody in town, people know who she is. I don't want it to come back on me, so I won't, but I sure would like too.
Wow. That is just wrong. Enjoy your vacation. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dazee, I'm not his full time caregiver, I have a full time job. most of the time he's home alone. I just give up a Saturday or Sunday morning every week to make sure his basic needs are met. It's just sad that his family doesn't feel the need to do the same. They take him to Walmart and the doctor, and do a few things around the house. The rest is up to me.
ReplyDeleteKeep caring, Madge, but don't expect the attitudes or behaviors to change. I'm sure there is guilt and the usual response is resentment towards the person that is helping.
ReplyDeleteWe are in a similar situation on the "family" side although our loved one is not near as in need as Henry. There is always someone who casually mentions that they don't think we do enough. We don't recall asking their opinion. :)
Enjoy your vacation!
Thanks Reffie :)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to knock their two heads together, but, sadly, I don't believe it would make them less stupid! Henry is very lucky to have a friend like you Madge. Enjoy your vacation!
ReplyDeleteI cried about it a lot yesterday, and I'm still pretty emotional about it today. They stand to inherit a very substantial amount of money and truthfully, I think they just wish he would die so that they don't have to waste any more time on him. It's really sad.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to enjoy my vacation but I'll still worry.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, Madge. He is so lucky to have you...someone who actually cares about him. And I understand why you'll be a little worried while you're on vacation. But you're not leaving forever...so try to put it out of your mind as much as possible and just enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteKarma or whatever you want to call it has a way of working things out in the end. Just keep being the wonderful person you are...although I know I didn't have to tell you that! :)
Yeah I know, pretty much it's out of my hands. I'm prepared to call adult protective services if they try to push me out. Henry won't let them, they've tried before. I promised his wife I would take care of him, and I'm doing the best I can. Thanks for the support. ;)
ReplyDeleteYeah I know, pretty much it's out of my hands. I'm prepared to call adult protective services if they try to push me out. Henry won't let them, they've tried before. I promised his wife I would take care of him, and I'm doing the best I can. Thanks for the support. ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope there is someone like you around to take care of me when (and if) I get that old or needy. I had one friend who wanted to become a professional caretaker for the elderly - I don't know if she ever got her creditials since I had moved away and we didn't keep in touch. Coincidentally, she had a enlarged ear (only one though). It must be in the DNA or something, but kudos to you for caring.
ReplyDeleteStill, go out and have fun on your vaycay.
If he doesn't feel he's being treated fairly by his own family then he may consider changing his will. I know I would (I've been there with my father's side of the family ('vultures') and it's going to be a blowout when my maternal grandmother passes but I suspect she may outlive us all - she turns 91 today and still maintains a vegetable garden. Oy!)
ReplyDeleteAw Sweetie! What a good heart you have. This is soooo sad, but he's incredibly blessed to have somebody who really cares: YOU.
ReplyDeleteNow like you have already acknowledged, it's out of your hands, and you can only do so much, so enjoy your vacay and then when you return you'll know what's going on. I think it's wise that you are documenting.
Very wise.
OH! Only one enlarged ear, she has to be some distant cousin. I couldn't do it full time, I don't know how people do it. My heart breaks too easy.
ReplyDeleteThanks Quirks, I really need to write more down, the old brain doesn't work as well as it used too.
ReplyDeleteHe's afraid to change his will because he doesn't want his wife to come back and haunt him. Also I think Cheryl took the box of important documents, like last week. She and Jim gets to split the estate with Henrys Neice. His estranged daughter gets 10k. That would be such justice for the logging musem to get it all.
ReplyDeleteHenry and I had a garden when he was about 86, it was huge 40x40 fully fenced so the deer couldnt' get in.
ReplyDeleteWhat a bunch of DazeeDreamer $$weasels.
ReplyDelete"She is sort of somebody in town, people know who she is."
Wouldn't that be too bad if it came back to haunt somebody who's too important to look after a family member.
Yeah, that's exactly my thougts IT. That's why I just put Adult Protective Services on Speed Dial, they had better not try to push. It takes a lot to get me this pissed off. Generally I have the patience of a saint.
ReplyDeleteYou are a gem, Madge. I know you keep going back because of Henry. He needs you and you enjoy him so much! He's such a pistol! Good luck with Henry's relatives... I hope they pay attention to him while you're gone. Try and enjoy your time away... you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Paula, I'm going to call his friend Ed today, he and his girlfriend love Henry as much as I do. I had to let my emotions settle for a few days so I wouldn't be a blubbering idiot on the phone. I know if necessary they'll take care of him.
ReplyDeleteI tried to comment over at your place, stoopid blogger still isn't working.
ReplyDeletemy comment was...
Wow IT! That's a very pepunte thought, thanks for that.
why don't you get disqus?
Good God, Madge, these people are disgusting. That poor guy. I mean, bathing him at least a couple of times a week is not even really enough, but once every two weeks! Can you get any help from social services?
ReplyDeleteI know it's so gross that they think every two weeks is even close to acceptable, like you said, once a week is a stretch. He can't get help from social services because he has too much money. And he's a child of the depression so he has real issues paying anybody to do anything. He feels like he has to pay me, that's why I get $25.00, I've been getting that for over 16 years, who said anything about inflation or the cost of gas.;)
ReplyDeleteHe and I had a really good talk about it today, and it's heart wrenching to know that he knows they are just waiting for him to die. And he knows that they do the very minimum, and there's nothing anybody can do about it. He doesn't trust either of them, and he has caught Jim trying to steal money from him, he got it back just in time. They're just a couple of lazy greedy bastards.
Thank God he has you. That's really all I can say. He is a man who deserves more, and I'm so glad you are there for him. Money is not the answer ever. But some people never realize that .
ReplyDeleteGreed is such an ugly thing to witness. I've seen it first hand way too many times. I've seen family members try and cheat other family members out of money left. It disgusts me.
ReplyDeleteI hope these people get their comeuppance soon!
ReplyDeleteMe too Lee, me too.
ReplyDeleteI've worked in a personal care home. I can vouch for you that plenty of family members don't know or care what's going on with their "loved ones." People should be so lucky as to have someone as caring and compassionate as you are looking out for them.
ReplyDeleteI just want to give them a taste of their own medicine! You worked in a home! I could never ever do it, I get too attached, when Henry's gone, no more old folks for me.
ReplyDeleteOh Madge how do you cope with this? It must hurt you to know this wonderful person who isnt even related to you when the kin who should care don't give tuppence. You are a blessing alright?! Dont change and enjoy your holiday!
ReplyDeleteI could never change Ginger, I just love him so much. He's a treasure.
ReplyDeletewait a second..... they only bathe him once every TWO WEEKS? WTF is THAT?
ReplyDeleteAnd.... I'm sorry, that family does NOT take care of Henry properly AT ALL. I am horrified and heartbroken reading this. Thank GOODNESS Henry has YOU.
Yep, I was a way for a month, Jim only gave him a bath once, and one day he put himself in the shower, but that is so dangerous, because he can't get out very well by himself, he takes off his life alert button because he can't remember it's waterproof, and if he would have fallen he would have died of hypothermia because he woudn't have been able to get up.
ReplyDeleteI am sickened.
ReplyDelete