I wrote a song once about my friend’s sister Mary, she was a slutty alcoholic, that smoked, wore too much perfume, and had birds. She also dated my brother in high school.
It went a little something like this…. To the tune of “love and marriage” aka the theme song to Married With Children
Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary,
Shave that bush it’s too damn hairy,
You can ask my brother, she’ll hump one and then
Another
Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary,
Drinks like a fish
And smells like a perfume factory
Bird shit on her shoulder
I wonder if anybody
Told her
Ask, ask, ask
And you can mate her
She’s not a challenge
Ask, ask and she will only jump
On your protrusion
Ohhhh Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary
Shave that bush, it’s too damn hairy
Bird shit on her shoulder
I wonder if anybody told her
I know, it’s not nice, but it’s still sorta funny, and pretty creative too. Steve helped me write it. He’s good at rhyming.
