Mattress Mary

I wrote a song once about my friend’s sister Mary, she was a slutty alcoholic, that smoked, wore too much perfume, and had birds. She also dated my brother in high school.

It went a little something like this…. To the tune of “love and marriage” aka the theme song to Married With Children

Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary,

Shave that bush it’s too damn hairy,

You can ask my brother, she’ll hump one and then

Another

Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary,

Drinks like a fish

And smells like a perfume factory

Bird shit on her shoulder

I wonder if anybody

Told her

Ask, ask, ask

And you can mate her

She’s not a challenge

Ask, ask and she will only jump

On your protrusion

Ohhhh Mattress Mary, Mattress Mary

Shave that bush, it’s too damn hairy

Bird shit on her shoulder

I wonder if anybody told her

I know, it’s not nice, but it’s still sorta funny, and pretty creative too. Steve helped me write it. He’s good at rhyming.